19 June 2006

Night/day dream-mare




I am working on something new but it may be a while in gestation. To fill the void here is something from a year ago which many will not have seen. Those that have may notice some modifications.

Sometimes my mind drifts and I think with piercing clarity.

a million people stand in my way
iridium lenses shield against eye contact
a beautiful barrier
minding my own business
incessant conversations in my skull
words I can’t speak
drag a finger along the railings to pick up germs
frigid freezing fridge magnet
i’m not talking to you
reflections in a window resolve into the view beyond
everyone else is needlessly boring
a different journey on new roads
treading water, not waving but drowning
supposedly intelligent actually retarded
a rice pudding with tender skin
what fucking saviour?
hatred fatigue
do you know that Artesian well
walk the wing of a 747 eight miles high
leap from the 48th
main line de-sensitising agents
tea and toast
hell of a holiday
is anyone sitting here?
dry properly between your toes
rotting red road-kill
angelic choir church and steeple
charisma bypass or character transplant
10 million seconds to live, equals -
3 months to die
it is now safe to switch off your computer
3,000
precious people prefer private promises
taking the utmost care
barrel pressed to temple
happy angry sad desperate
rules for archiving and destruction
report unattended baggage
i so badly want to drink an Ocean, so badly
eyes wide, ears flat
take me to your leader dealer
fuck forever
wireless trip wire
portent omen sign harbinger prophecy
alive at least
Bonus Random Thoughts
one spot doesn’t make a rash
a marathon not a sprint
worldwide patent pending
talisman
taliswoman
forever young and drop-dead gorgeous
fighting a fight with maturity
devastatingly dignified and sheer class
intellectual intimacy
The Kick Inside
got to promise not to stop when I say, “when”
living on an island
swim out past the breakers
watch the world die
chainsaw through growth rings
hope I’m old before I die
naked and sticky…
… under protective leather
armour-plated sensitivity
thunderous rock n’ roll
sweet mown grass
searing blue sky
scorching rays
summer madness

36 comments:

doughgirl said...

Sometimes it all just makes perfec sense and others its just mass confusion. I live for those days when I understand why everything is happening around me, they are the most peaceful even if clarity is fearsome at times. I know you know.
I understand those words when we just speak outloud, we seem to not make sense and thats because we are only talking to ourselves and then those times we feel and just can't say the words because they're not meant for the person who may hear them.
Tiresome days of earth peole who don't understand and never will, seeming to live a life in our heads but in actuality it's our reality.
Endless days of time, constant waiting, undue worry, growing up all over again, living a new life and the calm of knowing that there is someone who knows so much without even saying a word.....ill be back

Perfect Virgo said...

DG - That feeling of calm is a special one and sometimes knowing we don't need to say a word is hugely comforting. Yes, unless anxiety and overwhelming sadness have been experienced they are a mystery to mere earth folk. Clarity is startling - it can be a brilliant moment of understanding or it can be ugly and scary, yes I know.

Life in our heads is a reality, my odd little words and phrases above show the kind of real thoughts that flow. And yes, there is a kind of peaceful perfection when it all slots together like a jigsaw puzzle. A serenity that makes the deep thoughts all worth while. Other days, well we just put our heads down and get on with it.

Anna Piutti* said...

That's simply amazing, Virgo!
I love the pictures, too.

Perfect Virgo said...

Anna - just thoughts in my head, some desperate some euphoric. The pictures are intended do reinforce the contrast. Needless to say the rainy one is England, the sunset one Florida!

Cocaine Jesus said...

very burroughs. each line dislocated from the rest and yet the whole makes a coherent set of thoughts somehow.
old but gold.

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Holy shit PV! Powerful powerful powerful stuff. Speechless. Great pictures. Drinking ocean.........
I see you,
JJ

Perfect Virgo said...

CJ - thanks for ploughing through the list! Funny how opposites interlock... Even old, new, borrowed and blue.

JJ - yea I thought it might shake you up! I've been getting too damned comfortable of late, time to turn up the wick. A reality check if you like.

sirreene said...

supposedly intelligent actually retarded ~ Thank you, Dr. PV for that assessment.

Queen Neetee said...

Wonderful photos!!

little bro, I have reason to continually think of you as being brilliant!

report unattended baggage, LOVE this as an idea mentally and physically. Haha! GREAT!

Perfect Virgo said...

Sirreene - I seem to remember you also calling me an unqualified quack... perhaps I should administer a small injection? Quick nurse, the screens!

Neetee - thank you big sis', my Californian sibling. I love seeing which phrase different people home in on in a varied piece like this. The rain in picture is so typical of an English summer, no sun-dried prunes here!

Benjamin said...

Em, yeah. Very funny and true. I select three phrases to hone in on. Fuck Forever! Yes, if you don't mind. Worldwide patent pending. Ah, you noticed too. And 'Is anyone sitting here?' I think that's my favourite line, the way you just slot it in.

The way you'll just be so pissed off with people being, or rather appearing to be, such dumb strangers and you're having this mad conversation in your head and someone will just come up and go, 'Is anyone sitting here?', like they're being all nice and polite when its just protocol.

Many of my days are like this! I usually just get flatly sarcastic. I'd look at the seat and go real deadpan and serious. 'No, I don't think so.' That's cool. I look forward to some new stuff x

Perfect Virgo said...

Benjamin - 'fuck forever' could mean 'copulate ad infinitum' or it could mean 'to hell with forever.' (I liked your Babyshambles retort!)Many of my thought clips are ambiguous or even obscure.

It would not surprise me if someone were to come up to me at the lights, point to the pillion seat of my R1 and ask, 'is anyone sitting there?'

"Jump aboard if you care to but hang on for dear life..."

doughgirl said...

"Jump aboard if you care to but hang on for dear life..."


I would love to, and I trust your ability enugh that I wouldn't need to hold on for dear life. That's the one thing I love about you, you love for extreems reminds me of me :)

Perfect Virgo said...

DG - that is trust of the highest order. You know all there is to know about serious bikes - that demonstrates real faith.

I am not very good at "middle of the road," a life of passionate extremes is what drives me and I know it does you too. Now we have finished drinking the sea we are finding ways to kick up dry dust in an arid desert. Pull on your leathers...

GEL said...

I easily relate to most of this post like your brilliant opening line and "incessant conversations in my skull", "drag a finger along the railings to pick up germs"'
"I'm not talking to you", "what fucking saviour", "boring!" the precision of finite time facts/barriers...

When you're consumed by such thoughts do you feel alone, as if no one could possibly understand why you even ponder this or that? Thinkers are intense. Loner thinkers are even more intense I think. Yet, as alone as many loners are, some of us, do want to reach out, but the connection we yearn for is one of such intense chemistry and clarity it is rare and precious. Oh, that reminds me of a song...

Perfect Virgo said...

Silvermoon - sing me the first line... see if I get it. :)

Yes, pretty much my most common thought is - "am I the only one thinking like this?" Loneliness and intensity can make one intensely lonely. As a boy I owned a chemistry set, however I concentrated more on the symbols than the reactions. (Head in a bell jar.)

Sorting out the precious with tweezers and a lens is absorbing. I am trying to learn how to enjoy it too.

GEL said...

Remember I can't sing...but you'd get all the songs that come to mind just by the title I'm sure.

I re-read this piece and OMG, I must have been too sleepy before to "see clearly...quite a series I could do on crystal clear "P.S."s !!!!!! but I'll only say I longed for a microscope as a kid and almost received one as a present.

Then I was able to visit a relative at work for real live chemistry fun...The periodic table intrigued me, but I liked the chemistry experiments more because I learn symbols and codes easily, I guess like learning languages, unlike singing on key.

My daughters learned the periodic table in 4th grade as a requirement for their science program(far earlier than me) keeping me hanging by my Ag toes...

GEL said...

Please keep her head out of a Bell Jar now. Sylvia Plath wrote that book and she committed suicide. :(

GEL said...

Your head not her head! (all other typos of mine just correct in your head, as usual :)

finnegan said...

What's frightening to me is that my inner "voice" often produces a similar staccato litany, albeit not nearly as full of precise counterpoint.

But those voices, internal monologues and ideas which enter our skulls---whose are they really?

Night/day dream-mare is virtually audible. It begs to be read aloud with a bongo.

Need I mention that this sounds "Beat"?

Perfect Virgo said...

Silvermoon - yes I know you sing with the dulcet tones of a strangled cat! :-)

Was the song, "I can see clearly now...?" Glad you came by for a re-read - as you know, I never use a superfluous word, they are all there for a reason. Since I abandoned science in favour of languages the "periodic table" leaves me baffled - is it some sort of "occasional table?" lol.

(Plath did it at 29 and I have lately veered away from that train of thought.) All and any type-"Os" suitably, intracranially adjusted. Toes of silver, hmm...

Finn - that litany of extreme expressions is indeed a grim cacophony. I am sure they are our own voices but they were not satisfactorily explained to me. It's me talking to myself and swinging between extremes because that is my learned response. I am trying to learn greyer responses with partial success. (Better than partial failure!!)

Bongos to you too! Set to music it would have to be by Radiohead or Muse - either I influenced them or they influenced me, could go either way.

boulies said...

Perfect Bro, Here I am!!! I left a comment for you on my site explaining where the heck I've been. I'll be coming around real soon to read and comment. I don't want to hurry myself when ingesting your superb words. See you here very soon and I'll play catch-up.

Perfect Virgo said...

Boulies - hey, there you are! I guessed your diary had probably filled to over-flowing or else you were on a short break. See you soon.

Delaleuverses said...

A nice read, glad I stopped by, great blog

GEL said...

Sorry, PV, that's not the song. I guess my ,imp-purr-fact voice was so tuneless, it left you feline as if you were in "Muddy Waters." (I'm not thinking of a song by them either.)

P.S. I almost emailed you after posting that first comment to say that song was not it! lol

boulies said...

My goodness, it's hard to know what to say. This is really brilliant Virgo. Pathos and tranquility playing hop-scotch with my senses. One of the many lines which particularly sticks is: "drag a finger along the railings to pick up germs." To me this implies a form of playing Russian Roulette with your own physical and/or mental limitations. Like taunting your own soul. It just struck a personal chord for me. I related so much to your general sense of internal isolation as the mind clenches and the world and its people senselessly spin. I love this whole piece and I'm glad you decided to re-post it since I never had the opportunity to read it the first time. Again, brilliant!!!

Perfect Virgo said...

Cathy - thank you for visiting, I dropped a note on one of your recent pieces.

Silvermoon - my obtusity is at its densest today, perhaps I am trying too hard! So you guessed I would make the wrong guess. That's an ability and a half. But here's the twist - I knew you would...

Boulies - Russian Roulette is correct. It truly is meant to be a series of opposites and contradictions as well as spontaneous thoughts. I am very pleased you could relate so closely to it.

boulies said...

I forgot to mention that I really like the photos that go so well with this piece.

Perfect Virgo said...

Boulies - powerful thunderclouds against the setting sun - rain and shine. More conflict.

I loved your expression about the mind "clenching" as the world spins. Isolation can be calming and rewarding and is something this loner enjoys. That is not to say I don't sometimes enjoy company, I do but it needs to be small and intimate or I clam up.

boulies said...

I too require much alone time. And crowds make me nervous also. I much prefer one on one time and meaningful conversation with a person. I think we are definitely introverts by nature.

Perfect Virgo said...

Boulies - I guess it comes down to quality. I used to join in large groups but I gradually lost my confidence. One on one can be very intense but also very rewarding.

Queen Neetee said...

Hello Little Brother!

Just a quick greeting.

Jane said...

"And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you..."

Jane said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Perfect Virgo said...

Jane - "... got to promise not to stop when I say, when." You spotted I borrowed a line from the awesome Mr Grohl!

They blew the roof off the sky at The Isle of Wight Festival. I had to listen closely to 'Everlong' before I recognized at first - he sang it unaccompanied except for his acoustic guitar.

I know what band I'll be listening to today...

Delaleuverses said...

Wow the pics you posted are incredible, and reading your post I can't help but feel a sting of inspiration