Go on! The dust has settled. If you let it settle any more you’ll forget which spot the “X” marks. Francis pulled on his brown leather jacket and slipped out of St Agnes Home, walking quickly towards Waterloo Station in the late autumn chill. There was something he should collect before disappearing for good.
The station was dense with travellers and echoed with mumbled announcements from the public address speakers. Francis wormed his way across the gigantic concourse, with its long snaking queues. He liked the anonymity of a large random crowd.
This time he approached the long line of grey metal lockers with a slow measured tread, zeroing in on his own. Glancing once over his shoulder he dialled 791 into the lock. Cautiously he opened the door a crack but already it was obvious… the gun was gone. He wiped the interior with his hand and pulled out a typed note.
“THE POLICE ARE INVESTIGATING A MURDER. I WILL RETURN THE WEAPON WHEN YOU GIVE ME HALF THE MONEY”
He crumpled the note in his trouser pocket and closed the locker. Sue… bitch!
He flipped open his wallet and thumbed out Black’s business card. Call me anytime, whenever you begin to remember anything. Anything at all. Francis sauntered to a row of phone booths, slid into one and lifted the receiver.
08 March 2008
a new life - part 13
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7 comments:
This is GOOD!
Before I buy any book I always read the first paragraph. If it grips me, I will buy it. I love the opening lines to this installment. They're awesome!
That "X" literally marks everything for Francis. His courage, strength, self-assuredness, and most of all the fact that he's really pulling this off in the amidst of the masses; and they have no idea what he's capable of.
And of course there's always, 'pride before a fall'. Sue! Careful girl! I don't think that Francis learned to share in kindergarten.
Awesome!
I love the complexity of Francis. He seems timid and rigid, yet dangerous and determined.
Neetee - thanks for your encouragement! I wanted to reinforce the idea that 2 or 3 months had passed since hhis crimes and that he had buried his stash on has fathers farm.
He does seem to be edging clear doesn't he. And as for Sue, I agree, she is walking a dangerous walk.
Michelle - he's full of contradictions isn't he? Watch out for anyone with Francis in their name - they might be deep and dark and mysterious!
TO be honest, if I was Sue, I'd totally shop him in for that amount of cash.
Anything for a rich life.
Wow, this really took an unexpected turn. I was seriously trying to guess the end, but didn't come close. The way you created this cold and calculating character was like chiseling and honing a fine wooden knife. Excellent accomplishment PV! I'd hate to run into Francis in a dark alley. And to think he'd be out lurking the streets after his escape. Very cleaver the idea of him having amnesia then coming out of it and faking it toward the end in such a calculated way. Very effective! Great ending PV! I certainly hope you write more stories. Crime/mystery is certainly your forte.
More Please!!!
FH - I'm going to start calling you Sue from now on. Is that OK!
Boulies - there is a bit of ourselves in the characters we create but this man is rather extreme. One more episode to go my dear and a satisfying ending in store.
A dodgy man but is he dodgy enough for Sue who seems to have covered a lot of options and closed down so many for him? Even if he puts her into the frame how can he prove it?
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