20 March 2007


“If something is beyond your sphere of influence you should stop trying to control it.” This maxim makes logical sense but is a nearly impossible code to live by when it is very human to try to change something in order to improve it. When some factor stubbornly resists my efforts I feel anxious and fretful, even hurt. Everyone knows which things are indisputably beyond our power to alter (like gravity and the weather) but some things appear tantalisingly close enough to change. People, perceptions, places…

I hear you say, “There are only two certainties in life, taxes and death.” Everything else is a lottery, I know that, yet frustration sets in when I fail to improve factors which shape my daily existence. I am still learning to accept the beauty of things as they are and to stop striving for perfection. But if I regard much of my life as highly important am I doomed by the following formula? ANXIETY = UNCERTAINTY x IMPORTANCE

I suffer anxiety because I get wrapped up in a web of perceptions and misperceptions. What do people think, what do I think of people? Even those who say perceptions don’t matter are fibbing. Fundamentally the common man wants to be liked or at the very least to meet with approval. Fear of rejection makes us try to mould ourselves. Only the most selfish could truly care less.

Perhaps a new way to look at this is to say only the trivial falls short of perfection. The important things are already perfect. Like Nature, we can’t improve upon nature in all its majesty and glory. Art in all its forms only mimics nature so is close to perfection. Love is unconditional and forever – the very definition of perfection. One day soon I will learn to live in these true terms, in a state where anxiety melts away.

“But it all boils down to one quotable phrase,
if you love something give it away.”
Bright Eyes – One Foot in Front of the Other


Cocaine Jesus said...

very easy to read this and then take the superior high ground. however, i am not doing that and understand a lot of what you say, BUT...i truly do NOT give a flying wotsit about what others think of me or indeed what they are thinking. stuff them. that said i DO get very concerned and depressed by the way i seem to upset certain bloggers who seem to take every well meant phrase i say as a personal insult. it really hurts to know that i have inadvertently hurt them. daft world innit?

Perfect Virgo said...

CJ - the difference is I do care about what people think and I don't regard that as a fault. It has been bred and trained into me for almost half a century and it is what makes me me. As I have found a way to live with it I regard it as one of those aspects of my life I won't waste time trying to change.

Bloggers who take offence are reacting to a perceived flaw in what they thought was a perfect relationship. The internet usually gives us the opportunity to only reveal our fascinating and theoretical side. When an opposing view is stated the mask slips a little.

Good to know you're human mate!


I have a very much FUCK IT attitude now a days.

Benjamin said...

You worry about what people think? I think you suffer from anxiety and depression because you are a sensitive human being.

Miss Independent said...

Only the most selfish could truly care less......you and I, we had this conversation once before. I remember it well, like it was esterday.It helped me through a most trying time when I was wondering if I was losing it or over reacting to things. You taught me that I am human, caring and a good person. I will forever hold that in my heart. I am so glad you are doing well. Our conversations are truly missed. :)

Perfect Virgo said...

JJ - I wish i could say "fuck it" too. I guess I do about some things... I hope you are doing well.

Benjamin - thank you my friend. Sensitivity is too often mocked in the real world.

April - I miss our conversations too and I am honoured to play even a small part in your life. Thank you for your heartfelt warm wishes, I am settling down and learning to live properly.