I want to get off...
A gigantic blue orb slowly revolves on itself. Life is there in its frightening majesty and beneath the milky streaks of cloud a man waits. He is numb and unresponsive. In the shattering enormity of the universe an event occurs. A monstrous generator slowly winds down and all light dims. The home planet grinds to a gradual halt in blackness.
Expressionless the man steps up and his feet leave the ground. In an instant the machinery of physics propels the planet into motion again without him and light returns, faintly at first. The man is aware of Earth's awesome bulk slipping away into an unfathomable distance. The blue planet recedes and the curve of its edge is visible. In minutes the whole lighted sphere shows against a velvet backdrop.
Expressionless the man steps up and his feet leave the ground. In an instant the machinery of physics propels the planet into motion again without him and light returns, faintly at first. The man is aware of Earth's awesome bulk slipping away into an unfathomable distance. The blue planet recedes and the curve of its edge is visible. In minutes the whole lighted sphere shows against a velvet backdrop.
The man looks away. When he looks back Earth is gone. He is left alone in deafening silence, the black weight of darkness crushing him from every side. Nothing has penetrated his conscious mind in years, trivial or important. He cares for nothing and humanity ignores him. So he is left behind.
In that cocoon of utter nothingness he begins to think. 'Do I exist?' He asks himself. 'I am surrounded by black empty space yet I hear my breath and pulse, therefore I am.' Establishing this critical fact triggers more activity in his cerebral cortex. He remembers pieces of his life.
He scans the void until he sees a white pinprick in the fabric of space. It grows larger by degrees into a definite circle then swells into the familiar oasis of blue and white. He hangs in space and waits for powerful forces to slow Earth's approach. Stationary for a millisecond the planet awaits his footfall. He steps onto a horizontal plane of the immense ball and is anchored. A desperate fear of loneliness almost overwhelms him. He wonders is it too late to forge something new.
He needs to concentrate on walking, it seems a forgotten skill. Signs pull him to familiar territory and faces appear and greet him. Very, very gradually he returns to the human race. If I can just learn to talk to people sometimes, he thinks, the outside looking in could be a place of comfort, where I can work out where I fit. He looks up into the sun from this new perspective and stares and stares until he is blinded by the light.
"They ask where the hell I’m going
At 1000 miles a second
Hey man, slow down."
Radiohead – The Tourist
15 comments:
'Do I exist?'....an interesting one. I sometimes think we exist only in terms of our interaction with others and isolation can cause one to really reflect on this concept. Who am I?
If someone talks to you they are acknowledging your existence. In isolation you still do exist but in a kind of repressive vacuum. What I think I am trying to say is interaction is preferable to mere existence.
I agree PV, interaction is preferable to mere existence. I am finding that isolation is a hard place to return from and interaction becomes more difficult?
Yes Grace, you get very used to your own company. Maybe the lesson I learn about returning to interaction is that you get picky about who you talk to. Very picky indeed.
Denis - wise words. I see you have been giving this knotty problem some thought too. You're right, 'I think therefore I am' doesn't work because people have been known to ignore me.
As Grace and I were debating, you need interaction to imply someone has spotted your existence. But maybe the torment of simply 'being' could itself be a kind of proof.
They say ignorance is bliss. Trouble is Denis, I cannot ignore.
Perfect, you described my life perfectly when I was amiss. The solitary confinement that I put "myself" into, yet wondering why I never fit.
Though I did exist for sure as I felt the pain of the life I had created fro myself. Yet when i found the halls I began to see the pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel.
No matter what I go trhough today, I am not alone. My frineds they comfort me and my HP guides me inthe right direction.
What a gift:) Thanks!
DG - feeling pain reminds you of your existence, yes. I am so glad the planet returned to pick you up and that you recognised it when it returned.
For several years now the thought that existence only occurs through me has been prevalent. Without my existence even God does not exist - Man makes God in his own image after all.
Oops! That was a little too rambly, deep, silly for me. Do forgive me for spilling my brain in your comments PV.
F - thanks very much for the deep and interesting comment. I guess the characters in our dreams must be composites of people we know from real life.
Fascinating that you should wonder if they are utterly unrelated to your experiences. That opens up a world of possibilities.
I go for long periods without dreaming but when the dreams come they are vivid and simply scary.
Ruk - your thoughts are always valuable to me. Never have to worry about depth or mind spillage! Are you saying if you die everybody else ceases to exist? Maybe the relationships between the remainder prove they exist (at least to each other.)
Is this like the tree falling silently in the forest unless someone is there to hear it? Now where did I put my thinking cap?!
Hey PV, I'm sipping magnetic water, it arrived today! Hang on to your drain covers!! :-)
That'll be the wand then! I can feel the pull from here!!
Denis - 'Dallas', don't remind me! Was that really a dream?
Yes staying in a comfort zone is human nature I think. Perhaps there's 'fear of change' in most people too.
F - nice link, I like that very much. The 'gas station' idea is very representative as it has been something of a pre-occupation for me lately.
Whoa. I think this discussion is a bit over my head. :-D
Jen - No way! Just a bout of pompous rambling!
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